Diggin in the Crates- Romantic Movie

For a romantic evening, you can't go wrong with Love Jones.
Love Jones (1997)

Darius Lovehall (Larenz Tate) is a talented poet, who is preparing to embark on a labor of love in writing his first novel. In walks, the beautiful photographer, Nina Moseley (Nia Long). Darius' focus changes to getting to know the inner workings of Nina against a backdrop of poetry, music and dramatic artistry. Their complicated love story plays out with a true feel to a relationship with all its frustrations, hurt and misunderstandings. You will root for the lovers while they serenade you with music, poems and visual delights. And yes, there's even dancing.

Break out your popcorn and turn down the lights for this one. Enjoy!

Why Romance?

Let's begin at the beginning, shall we?

Here is a simple equation for romance:

Love + desire + creativity - you= romance

This may prove surprising. You are probably wondering why it is minus you and not plus you. The reason is because romance is NOT about you. It's about her. If you tell yourself that you are not the romantic type, get over it. It's not about you, it's about her. If she likes romance, you need to become a romantic.

I'm sure you feel like I'm not being fair. But I challenge women to become something for their men as well. If you like to eat, I think she should learn how to boil water or dial the hell out of some numbers to produce dinner. If you like lingerie, she should make an effort to purchase and wear something lacy or skanky (depending on your taste). Trust me, there is a give and take here. However, you are more likely to get that boiled water or lacy underwear when you are turning her world into a romantic fantasy.

So, now that we covered why your feelings about romance don't matter. Let's get to creativity. Some women are easy. Flowers or plants will do. If she has a hobby, buy new materials for her hobby. You don't have to be outrageous unless you have the type of woman that will appreciate it. Some women are embarrassed by grand gestures. But, if you have a woman that is game and you are creative, enjoy yourself. Go Big. Make moments. Creativity is really about making moments. Create the type of moments that you will hear her telling your daughter and granddaughter. When you do that, you go down in history and set the expectations for the boyfriends and husbands in your daughter or granddaughter's future. They will long for the type of romance you created and you become a legend. Maybe it is about you, after all.

Love. If you love your girlfriend or wife, you probably enjoy seeing her happy. If happy is good for you, over the moon will have you puffing out your chest in pride.  In life, you may never win an Oscar or a Grammy but if you can make a difference in the life of someone you love, it comes with its own rewards. She will have the memory of how she felt during the event and you will have the memory of how happy you made her. When you're both old and gray, even if she can't remember where she left her glasses, she will still be able to recall that day that you made her fall in love all over again. And that is priceless.

Desire, Desire is probably the hardest thing to hold on and generate in a relationship. The longer you stay together and the more you get to know each other, the mystery that sparks excitement can slowly disappear. As the last ember dies out, desire will fade like a ghost as well. Think about it If someone gave you your favorite food every day for a year. It would be great, at first. Over time, you know what to expect. You know what it's going to taste like. You lose your desire to have that meal. But, add some variety and that meal is suddenly desired again. Don't get me wrong, there is a comfort in being with the same person. But, if you keep the desire between you, it makes life that much sweeter. I always carry this vivid image of the Cosby Show. Cliff was a doctor and Claire was a lawyer and they had five children. They had every reason to be TOO TIRED to do anything. Yet, while Cliff was sitting on the couch relaxing, he would put his wife's feet into his lap and massage her feet. It's endearing to see how much he values his wife. A real-life image that mirrors this is Barack Obama and Michelle Obama. You can see it in their eyes as they look at each other or when President Obama is checking out (yes, he's checking her out) his wife from afar. If he can lead the country and still make time to romance his wife, you have absolutely NO excuse.

It doesn't have to break the bank

It's funny how men hate romantic movies, but they often try to recreate the sweeping romantic gestures without the matching budget. To some men, Romance must include a car (they can't afford) to drive them to a restaurant (they can't afford) to eat food (they don't like). It doesn't have to be that way. Romancing your wife or girlfriend is not the same as trying to impress the head cheerleader in high school. Your wife or girlfriend is already into you. And if you share a budget, she will not be impressed with you spending her shoe or grocery money on an evening of excess. You don't have to go overboard. You don't have to wait for your tax refund.

And here's a big one: YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR A HOLIDAY (i.e. Valentine's Day)

Romance can happen every day and at any budget. It's very simple. You might read this and say to yourself, "my wife won't accept anything less than diamonds, so I'm going to save up for the next two years and then she will be surprised." Well, actually, you might be surprised by divorce papers. You can't WAIT to be romantic or you will be WAITING to have sex (until a holiday, i.e., your birthday).

Here are some simple tips:

• Buy some colorful post-it notes. (bonus for heart-shaped) Each day, leave your wife a little note to let her know that you care. Not, "honey, can you pick up the dry-cleaning?" Try to be a little bit more loving than that. Speak from your heart. 
• Send Romantic Poems from your cellphone. They have an app for that. 
• Make dinner for her. Maybe you can't cook, try breakfast.  If you are culinary-challenged, buy dinner from her favorite place. Trust me, anything that gives her the opportunity to relax and not cook will work wonders.
• Run her a bubble-bath. (bonus for candles or rose petals) Tell her to relax with a glass of wine while you put the kids to bed. 
• On an evening where you normally go to sleep, read to her or invite her to watch an old movie you enjoyed when you first started dating. Or, if you are good at massage then break out the oils. 
• Go for a walk. A walk is an opportunity to workout your body and your day. You can reconnect while raising endorphins and burning calories.  

• Movies or Theater and  Dinner. A night on the town is just what the doctor ordered. But, you should try to plan as much as possible. It's not as much fun when she has to do all the planning. If she picks the show, you choose the restaurant. 
• Diamonds are a girl's best friend, but pearls and other jewels work too. Gold earrings might be her thing. Whatever it is, do it in a way that she won't expect. 
• Do things that you used to do. Whatever that may be. Remind her of that she is still the girl that you fell in love with. 

These are just a few things you can do and I don't think I broke the bank. Notice, there was no mention of Bentleys, helicopters or bottles of Dom Perignon. Keep it simple, stupid. Unless you hit the lottery or become a millionaire, then the sky is the limit.

If Romance is dead...it's time for it to be revived

"Clear!"

 I place my love paddles on each side of romance and send a shock of electricity shooting through it until it jolts to life and beats rapidly. It's about time for romance to show up and make it's appearance in daily life. Many women are getting their dose of romance through soap operas, steamy erotic novels and movies that tug at the heart strings. But is that enough. I don't believe so. A woman needs real romance in her life to get her blood flowing, her complexion glowing and her disposition to remain on the sunny side of the street.

While talking to male family members, the response is always, "I'm not a romantic type of guy." Duh, no one is born Romantic. It's not listed on anyone's birth certificate next to Parent's Name, and your teeny tiny foot print. I can't remember one conversation that started, "John was born with green eyes."

The response: "Oh yeah, well, Reggie was born a Romantic."

Romance is learned behavior for a man. Smart men are more willing to learn it because they understand that it's an arsenal in their tool bag of relationships. They know that life with a woman is much easier when you know how to sweep her off her feet. You know these men. You've seen these men. They are the ones that are always smiling, are less stressed and look refreshingly relaxed. They come to work with leftovers, lovingly, prepared by their wives. They have mastered the way to make peace in their household. Of course, it takes more than romance. No woman cares about romance when she's being cheated on, ignored or abused. But a woman that is generally loved is fulfilled and willing to fulfill your needs when she's surprised in on regular or semi-regular basis by the man she loves. She feels appreciated and loved.

Now, the other men. The ones that refuse or claim they cannot learn the language of love. They often look frustrated. They are grouchy, angry or generally annoyed. They look deprived. Their wives are equally harried in their look. They too are grouchy, angry and generally annoyed. They feel like every chore is asking too much of them because their love tank is on empty. With nothing to replenish their romantic reservoir, they are left to fulfill themselves with artificial injections of romance.

These men don't understand that if they were to give romance, they would receive what they need.

Romance is not a chore, but a gift. A woman needs it like she needs water. She can do without water for awhile, but eventually she is going to search elsewhere if it's no longer provided.

So, that's where I come in. My determination is to share ideas and tips to provide romance to the needy, deserving woman in your life. If you are a man reading this blog, you are already on the right path. If you are woman reading this blog, you may want to print and quietly slip it into your husband's or boyfriend's briefcase, shirt pocket or even shoe (if you have to). Hopefully, he will get the hint.

Quick tip# 1: I love you is not the MOST romantic word. THANK YOU is. If you want to score points with your lady love, always make sure to say, "thank you". A kiss on the cheek makes it twice as sweet. A deep kiss on the lips is added bliss. But, do it often.